What if

A friend and I usually have daily messages to each other through whatsapp. Well, I initiate the conversations 90% of the time… Nonetheless, I enjoyed the time spent. However, recently…. She has not been very responsive… And I have started to get tired of initiating… Even if I asked about her trip and other stuff, I got one word response. Or even when I shared something happened in my life, there would be no response at all.

What is the cause?

I have been thinking about that a lot… A lot of what-ifs came through my mind… Perhaps I did something wrong… Perhaps I said something wrong… Perhaps I did nothing when I supposed to do something. Man~ that one sided cycle just started on full speed without even a second thought.

Breaking a routine… Perhaps there are reasons other than me. I am trying hard not to think about this thing. I’m trying to do or think about something else that would make me happy. It may sound selfish or self centered…but I guess if we were friends, she should talk to me if there is something I did that bothered her… Or simply she is just being herself. A long distance relationship is pretty hard to keep as one end has a long of free time living in a very calm city versus one lives in a very busy life.

I’m trying to reason myself not to think about this friendship is lost or anything. I am trying to be mature about it as there are phrases in life that things just happen. Of course, at the end, one may regret in choices he/she made about his/her time. But I guess, we can’t turn back the clock and relive the moments.

Relational issues are my weak areas. I tend to think a lot in the shoes of others. A lot of times, I am wrong but the other end was just too kind not to point out my mistakes. I think I am a good friend. But can be high maintenance type… High maintenance in the emotional levels. I tend to suck out others’ emotions a lot as I demand them greatly. I need to feel needed. I need to get attention. I need…

My endless needs put a lot of stress on a relationship. On the outside, I don’t present any of these, but deep down, I expect those things. I have lost friends over the years because of this pressure. That’s why, this time I am not going to ask. Perhaps I should be sensitive. Perhaps I should “burst the bubble”. However, with me being far away from her… No point of solving anything if there were anything to solve. Just need to trust her a little more, trust her that she would speak up; trust her that she is being honest even with her one word response.

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