Functionally depressed…

Have been going to counseling for a few years… From moderate depressed to now as mild depressed. That’s an improvement.

Depression comes in many different forms. As I mentioned in the title, I am functionally depressed. It is like a land mine situation where I seem to be okay but then it may take one little trigger, I will tip over to the dark side.

I can only speak for myself. From my own experience, I know I am not okay. I know I am not happy. I know some things got to be changed. However, that requires effort and energy… Those type of thoughts come and go. Once it is gone, I move on with my day knowing it may haunt me someday.

I learn to cope with things at young age. I learn to hide my true self at young age. I spent much time saying “yes” knowing I want to say “no”. I put up with all my friends. I was always the “count on” friend. I would go extra extra miles for my friends. I would give up my own plans. I am the “nice friend”. Emotional investments did not yield any returns. Instead, the “debt” is getting greater and greater.

I feel like I haven’t lived life for me. I ignore my needs for all these years. Self love is important. Who would be there of you except your very self? I am starting to listen to myself. I am giving my heart full attention. I am not trying to isolate myself but I must be mature and wise enough to enjoy life.

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